It’s almost 4am as I lay here with a 4 year old wedges in my back, as close as she can possibly get to me, talking my ear off while we listen to her sisters talk in their room. It’s one of those “no sleep, going to need an IV of caffeine and Tylenol, by the end of the day might need a big bottle of wine” kind of nights. Gracelyn has always bed shared and it’s a habit proving to be impossible to break(anyone have tips/tricks that won’t forget traumatize my child, send them my way!!) so it’s nothing new for her to be next to me or laying partially on me(I’ve tried explaining personal space and social distancing but she just says uh okay mommy and gets as close as she can). The twins sleep on their own cribs in their room(gasp my almost 3 year olds are still in cribs?! Judge me, but I’m going to keep those tiny beasts caged for as long as possible okay) but lately they’ve been crib sharing because they have a meltdown if they’re not together. Maybe it’s a twin thing, a comfort thing, I’m not exactly sure, but they were always in separate beds until the last few weeks. Rewind back a little while ago, tonight Gracelyn was awake talking about potato chips and where they come from(funny story a few will understand. When I was pregnant with Gracelyn I fell down stairs and was hospitalized. They gave me pain medicine and I was higher than a kite, and was upset because I didn’t know anything about potatoes and potato chips. It’s like she heard me 😂) anyway, she’s chatting away and I heard Paityn cry. She usually fusses for a few minutes then goes back to bed but oh no, not this time, this time it was CANDYCE, MOMMY, MOMMA, CANDYCEEEEEE. So now the mission is on, to retrieve said upset child without waking the other tiny turdler next to her while stepping through the maze of fur animals in the upstairs. As soon as I picked Paityn up she relaxed and sunk into my body. She immediately fell back asleep and cuddled into me. I laid down with her in my bed just in time for Gracelyn to say her feet hurt so she wanted medicine. Completely that mission while keeping twinado asleep, but then I heard it. The sound of baby A aka twin A aka Maisyn getting upset because she was yelling for Paityn who was now in my room. A king sized bed with 5 people, three of which prefer to sleep sideways, is not a lot of room. We did it though and as I had Maisyn on my left, Paityn on my right and Gracelyn hugging my arm it dawned on me, this is the best night of my life. Woaaah what lady, with the lack of sleep I’ll be getting, the crowded bed and being unable to move, this is the best night of your life? Yes, it is.
Hearing my children ask for me is something some don’t get to experience. Knowing my child asks for me, needs me, and chooses me over anyone else is exactly what makes my heart happy. That’s the most rewarding feeling, knowing your children care about you and love you, that they want you and NEED you. They call for me, yell for me, cry for me and what do I do? I comfort them completely, I nurture them and I fix whatever is wrong. I make their sadness go away, because that’s what a parent should do. I chose to comfort my children over sleeping. I would choose my children over anything because that is what a parent should do. As we laid here and they sang “Bah Bah Black Sheep”, Maisyn and Gracelyn held hands and Paityn kissed Maisyns forehead, what more could I ask for? This is the best. My daughters needing me, they’re getting along, they’re singing and holding hands, they needed me AND each other. I’ve learned recently how you can try to force relationships and they don’t always work out, no matter how hard you try, but to see the relationship my children have with each other and with me, it’s the best night of my life. I need nothing else in this world but these three little girls. I managed to bribe the twins back to their bed and can hear them currently singing “twinkle twinkle Little star”.
I’m a firm believer that God sends you signs when you need them most, he did it again. Tomorrow will be the new best night of my life, because every night with my children is the best night of my life. I needed this, my girls needing me and a parental relationship to be reassured to me. I’m a mother, I’m their safe haven and their comfort. They are my calm in the chaos, my sweetness when the weeks been sour, my reason. I might not get much sleep tonight but I get the joy in knowing my girls are safe, comforted, happy, working on their American Idol audition. These moments won’t last forever so I will enjoy them as much as possible. They might be very young but they’re teaching me lessons daily. I pray we always have the bond we do and they continue to love me as much as I love them. I’m forever grateful for the blessings God has given me and for this is the best night of my life.
— Candyce 🧡