Your Words Matter

I have a saying in my classroom, “Put your brain in gear before you engage your mouth.”  What do I mean? Think about what you are about to say before you say it. What would you feel like if someone said it to you? Would it make you angry, happy, sad?

Psalm 34:13 says, “Keep your tongue from speaking evil and lips from telling lies.” The world tells us to say whatever we want. When my students insulted a classmate, they would say, “I was just roasting them.” This was supposed to make it ok. But it doesn’t. The feelings were still hurt and no apology was given.

Proverbs 10:19 tells us, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” We can't keep our mouths shut, though. We feel we must have the last word. Even if we’re wrong, we keep talking. I’ve had students talk to hear themselves talk. It was just a way to disrupt the class.

In the olden days, children were to be seen and not heard. They were taught to respect others, especially their elders. God’s greatest commandment is to love others as yourself. Today, the world’s greatest commandment is to love yourself and let everyone else come last.

I saw an episode of Rosanne not too long ago. I remember watching it when it first aired years ago. Being younger, I didn’t recognize how disrespectful it was. I guess I knew it was but disregarded it as humor. Now, as I watch, it helps me understand why our world is where it is. In this episode, Rosanne invites a child to play with DJ after school. When DJ gets home, he asks why that child was there because he’s weird.  As the show progresses, it is revealed that the child just randomly starts singing. The Connors, the whole family, start calling him Elijah Minnelli. The show aired 30 years ago, but this was considered bullying even then, and it was wrong. As the show progresses, DJ begins calling the boy the name at school. The boy’s mother eventually comes to Rosanne’s business to confront her about the bullying. To save face, Rosanne calls DJ over, and with her back to the mother so she can’t hear, she tells DJ to, "Just go with her.". She then pretended to discipline him. She yelled at him and said it wasn’t nice to pick on people for being different. Then she makes DJ go to the boy and fake an apology for being mean. I don’t know how the episode ended. I was so shocked that this was ever written, much less aired, that I changed the channel. 

I was upset that this show was still being aired. We live in a time where people get sued for looking at someone wrong. Bullying, racism, sexism, and the other “-isms”, and here is a show that is telling children that it’s ok to bully someone, as long as you apologize, even if you don’t mean it.

We have taken accountability out of children’s lives, out of education. As a teacher, I have heard students say horrible things to each other. When confronted, the response? “We’re just joking, roasting.” I had two students threaten each other. Threaten to go to the other student’s home and kill them and everyone in their family. When reported to the administration, an offense that warranted suspension according to the school handbook, the administrator talked with the boys, had them apologize to each other, and shake hands. Not only did they not receive any punishment, but their parents weren’t notified. In today’s world, where school shootings are more common than ever, this is unacceptable. Yet, here they were, not being held responsible for their words.

Another situation with words is their tone. A simple comment, or complement, can be turned evil, or even sexual, by just changing the inflection in your voice. Or it can be made an insult. I’m a Southerner, so I know all about it, “Bless your heart.”. I worked in a high school setting, and we had a young female teacher, straight out of college. We had to watch the male students when she was in the hallway. These young men had learned how to say the right things not to get in trouble, but say it with the right inflection, so we knew exactly what they meant. And we couldn’t punish them, because their words weren’t inappropriate. 

So when you talk, think. I Peter 2:1, “Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.”  We don’t want to be as Proverbs 29:20, "Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them.” Rather as Proverbs 17:28 says, "Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent".  So...

Before you TALK, THINK (Because it Matters)

T - is it True?

H - is it Helpful?

I - is it Inspiring?

N - is it Necessary?

K - is it Kind?