Deployment, Day One?

For the last year and a half, we have prepared for this day. The day Nick left for his next tour of the middle east. It’s been a mentally exhausting challenge to prepare for but we’ve somehow did it. Hooray? No, not quite. The last few weeks leading up to this I’ve became a basket case, overly emotional and quite frankly I’ve became even more annoying than normal(shocker). How do I face my children who cry for their father, when I want to cry with them? How can I be strong about something that makes me so weak? You can’t. I found that answer really quick when my youngest, Paityn, came crying for her father who had left to go to the grocery store. You learn to put on a stone face, snuggle them and cuddle them as much as possible. You learn new breathing techniques so you can avoid making that ugly sobbing noise that’ll clearly give away you’re upset while you hold your child tight. We’ve been through Nick being gone many times, but nothing compares to the length of this deployment and the fact our daughters are older now. He signed up for this, I know it’s a territory that comes with being married to a soldier, but he chose this career long before I came around. I wouldn’t change it though, if you know Nick he’s military to the core. It’s something he’s so passionate about, the four things that are his life, Military, Sports, Clash of Clans(eye roll) and his family. He also likes to get into politics but I refuse to go there with him. The struggle of him being gone is worth it and seeing our daughters faces when he returns will be amazing to capture. Positive thinking right?

But wait….there’s more!

It’s Sunday night, I’m laying in my bed trying to get Twin A, Maisyn to go back to sleep. She’s snuggled up to me snoring as I type away. This was to be our final night together as a family. It’s funny, actually quite terrifying and not at all funny so I don’t understand that expression, but anyway, how things can change in an instant. Nick received word that they will not be leaving for their next phase of deployment tomorrow morning. It’s currently a giant question mark of what the time frame will be. Thanks Coronavirus. Although you might be thinking “that’s good news, more time together right?”, yes and no. I’m a planner when it comes to things like this, I NEED to have things in order and KNOW when things are happening. I HATE surprises, to the point it gives me anxiety(woohoo). Does him being home longer mean he will be gone longer next year? Who knows. Will we have a warning or a few days heads up before he gets notice to leave? No idea. What a giant mystery for us to play out day by day. I’ll be keeping updates in my future blog posts, because Lord knows I’ll have a lot to say. Like I said, it’s always a mess. So for now we continue to play it out day by day. I pretend I’m okay but to be honest I have that kind of anxiety I get when I know there’s only seconds left on the tanning bed and it’ll shut off, or when I’m opening a can of biscuits and I’m not sure when it’s going to pop open, you know THAT kind of anxiety. It’s been great though, to take time off of work and spend it with my extended family. Coronavirus has put a stop to many things, in fact it’s put a stop to everything, but with the lovely technology we have now a days, it’s been great to be connected without risking health. 2020, you have became an unpredictable hot mess, let’s hope your PMS is over for soon enough. I know this is my first blog, but it’s one I figured would help get the word out when I know a thousand questions are coming about Nicks deployment. I appreciate you listening to my rambles and frustrations. Military life isn’t for the faint of heart, it’s not just the uniform and the dog tags. It’s the unknown, it’s the uncertain, it’s the last minute change and you have to make it work. It’s the facetime at 3am because your soldiers in another time zone. It’s the lonely nights over and over, the keeping it together while not letting your soldier know you’re struggling because they need to focus on their mission. But he chose it, he chose this life for us before there was an “us”, and I chose him, so this is our life. It’s only the beginning of this next chapter, but I’m sure it’ll be eventful. Day 1 is almost over and I’d be lying if I said I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Love,

Candyce