Week 1. FAIL.

That’s right, you see me sitting on my kitchen floor, drinking a Capri Sun. Why? Because this first week of not only one but two new schedules has really put me to the test. If I had wine, I’m confident I’d be chugging the bottle. Let me tell you the story of how I came to be spending my Saturday night on my kitchen floor drinking my daughters last Capri Sun.

Earlier this week started our new work schedule, it changed my days off. I’ve been on the same schedule for the last 6+ months. I need to shout it out now that I am not a fan of change. I need a bumper sticker that says DON’T FIX WHAT’S NOT BROKEN. Yeah, I hate change that much. With our new staff, our schedules had to change. This was the first week of the new schedule and I worked with different people. It went well although my days off changing has seemed to make this week drag.

I had Monday off thanks to this new schedule. I thought the girls and I would sleep in, enjoy some peace and quiet while we have an “us” day. All was fine until I heard the dogs go barking and saw a vehicle I didn’t recognize in my driveway. We live in the BFE so unexpected visitors doesn’t usually happen so I raced to throw clothes on and see who it was. It was our appraiser, from the adult onsie I had just thrown on he could tell I had no idea he was coming over. I quickly dressed the three nakey Turdlers (potty training is my excuse, or it was laundry day which is also truthful) and he did what he needed to do. He thanked me for our service and that he understood wives serve too. The rest of the day went well other than that minor anxiety attack I caused myself(whoopsie)

Tuesday before work, which used to be my Thursday but now it’s my Monday (see, confusing) Maisyn got her first fat lip. Minutes before I had to leave for work she biffed it(meaning she took a note from mommy’s handbook and face planted on the wooden floor) she was playing and boom down she went. She cried and I checked her lip out, bleeding. I’d bet money she will be my child that has a weak stomach to blood. She cried and clung to my neck. As I’m holding on to her, the twin bond or whatever you’d like to call it must have engaged because Paityn bit her tongue not even 30 seconds after Maisyn fell. I then had two ba ies crying and bleeding. I’m not sure what kind of household you have but mine is mostly ran on popsicles. Once again they save the day! Half a dozen popsicles and two number mouths later both twins were calmed and no longer bleeding. I was able to hand off the girls to the sitter(aka their Nunna my mother) and get out the door to work on time.

Wednesday, to be honest my week blended together after Tuesday. Thursday was also a blur, did Friday even happen? Let’s fast forward to Saturday.

The girls have been up and down all week when it comes to bed time, especially the oldest who has started crying for her dad at night. Last night was the toughest night so far and I got very little sleep between taking care of all three. We got up and the puppy had destroyed his bed, went potty inside, drug out all the girls toys and was just being a menace. I cleaned the messes up and realized I needed to do the dishes. Laundry was washed but it needed folded and put away. The grass is looking kind of 1970’s shag style outside so mowing is on the agenda. I realized I need to pick up groceries especially paper towel I was now out of. I got the girls their food, cups and started picking up the now destroyed house. Very quickly time passed and I needed to get ready for work. I took a quick bath, Maisyn was mad about something so she was attached to my hip. As soon as I got out of the tub that child was naked and in the tub. It was almost like the twins are each other’s shadows because splash there was Paityn in the tub. Big sister couldn’t let them have all the fun so here she came strutting her stuff before taking over the tub. It’s cute until they unleash their bossiness and start hitting each other, teen years are going to be miserable. I drained the tub, got all three dressed and myself ready for work in time. Maisyn wanted mommy so I skipped makeup(those who saw me today I apologize for looking like Chef Troll on Trolls) and cuddled her for a bit. Headed to work, music blaring, preparing for my Friday.

Work was work. With my job it’s hit and miss how the shift will go, you never know what’s coming. When I say that, I also mean in your home life! My sitter messaged me, the bathroom sink broke and there was water flooding my house. THERE IT IS. Not even one week into deployment and something hits the fan. My kitchen, bathroom, basement, all of it has water. My stash of toilet paper, that white gold that people are hoarding, all the rolls were ruined. I might have to sell a child to Rumpelstiltskin to obtain more toilet paper. Luckily my sitter and parents were able to get the water off and the mess cleaned up. Tomorrow my parents will fix the sink completely, hopefully ๐Ÿ˜ I decided to grab dinner at work tonight and figured I’d stop at the store to get TP and much needed paper towels. I forgot to grab my mask from my work bag so as I pulled into the store parking lot, I remember it’s now mandatory to wear masks in public places where you might not be able to be 6ft apart or the store can choose to refuse you service. I decided to not chance the argument and went back to work, tp-less and wine-less. I knew I’d need it tonight but my forgetness cost me my wine time tonight. The Covid has really thrown everyone through a loop so kudos to us all for hanging on.

When I got home from work I felt completely overwhelmed. I have so much to do in such a short time, I need to finish up laundry especially since three girls in big girl undies, two of which are mid potty training, they need clean undies. Towels were completely dirty due to the Tsunami that happened this evening. The laundry is built up so high, all clean, but putting it away and sorting it is going to take FOR-EV-ER(please get the reference). The grass needs mowed, so bad it’s unreal. I might have lost Sarge in the grass if it wasn’t for his little nub of a tail wagging(I’m being dramatic, it’s not that long but long enough to annoy me). My house is messy, not dirty but not up to my standards so I know I’ll spend the next two days cleaning and going through things to get rid of. The icing on the cake was when I was reminded, I need to have Gracelyns school work turned in soon. I feel like a failure as a mom because the last few weeks we have pushed Gracelyns education to the back burner, we chose to spend time together instead. It was a selfish decision but I think it was a good decision. We are adjusting routines to a single parent household, a new work schedule and now a no school schedule. I love routine, so does Gracelyn and now her poor schedule has changed twice in a week. Now I’ve pushed her education to the back and feel like I’ve let her down. I know I haven’t, but I fell behind on her work so we will be catching up on it. She’s been acting out, telling lies and has turned into a Gremlin that someone watered after midnight. My sweet child cried for her dad last night, go the point she was screaming and woke her sisters. My bed slept all for of us last night and almost tonight too. How do I fix everything, catch up on everything, maintain a routine and comfort my daughter? So much in one night. Maisyn was awake when I got home, she wanted cuddled so mommy cuddled. She needed me but I needed her more. We took pictures and held each other for a while before I bribed her to go to bed. So there I sat, on my kitchen floor drinking the girls last Capri Sun, trying to figure out how I’m going to manage to take care of this all.

These problems are minor, it’s stuff that will get done even if it’s babysteps. To me, it’s overwhelming and makes me anxious. It dawned on me though, I’m not the only person feeling like this. I scroll through my news feed on Facebook and many others can relate to feeling like they need to fix the world instantly. We can’t tho and we should ask for help when we need it. I’m a very independent person so asking for help has never been easy for me. My parents have helped out and are taking care of a few of the problems, because they know I need their help. Is it a pride thing to. It ask for help? I know I should be able to do it on my own so is that why I don’t ask? Is it a sign of weakness and I want to appear bulletproof? I don’t know the answer, but I do know I have great support that knows when I need them without asking. Everyone has people like that, to have our backs regardless of the situation. If you don’t think you do, I’ll be that person for you without missing a beat. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. This world has enough evil, we can be the good.

We don’t have to have it all figured out instantly. Babysteps are still steps and as long as you’re still moving, you will get somewhere. I repeat that to myself daily because I need it. Week 1 has felt like a failure, I bent but I didn’t break. Now I lay here listening to the two year olds talk to each other, laugh, sing and count while the four year old plays on the tablet(judge me because it’s 3am and my kids aren’t asleep/playing with electronics, they’re at least content and so is my heart). I need to learn to stop having a negative mind and appreciate the little things like those giggles or my toddler watching makeup tutorials. Good things are in each day, we just have to notice them…

Love,

Candyce ๐Ÿงก

Day 2.

I know the last few blogs have pulled at most heart strings, for given reasons, but that doesn’t mean all days will be sad. Day 2 started with all my children sleeping until 11. ALL THREE CHILDREN SLEPT IN, I WOKE THE TWINS UP. Like thank you Lord for blessing me with much needed sleep! The twins were up super late singing and talking so I hoped they’d sleep in. Gracelyn woke up, unlocked my phone and decided to educate herself with YouTube so not a peep out of her. I woke up to the pup licking my face. I got up, tripped over Zeus and face planted into the bathroom door. Shocker to no one, I just wanted to test gravity out for everyone, good news it still works! Gracelyn looked at me, sighed and said “Mom you’re not supposed to hug the door”. Thanks child, I had no idea. I went to get the twins up and when it comes to waking the twins up they are opposites. One baby is more like daddy, waking up in a decent mood. The other is just like mommy, it’s like waking up TeKa, the lava monster off Moana. It’s closely accurate, flames and all. It’s not a pretty sight and usually there is growling. Paityn, is usually the one like mommy. She’s known as the Pistol for a reason. I bribed the growling baby bear with chocolate to not bite my hand while reaching into her bed to get her out of bed. I made the girls a jar of Hershey Kisses, labeled “Kisses from Daddy” so each day they get a “kiss” from Daddy. Another reason why Paityn is mommy’s mini, she agrees chocolate is LIFE! Mentioned chocolate and that child was bright eyed and bushy tailed(never quite understood that expression). Fast forward through potty time(potty training is for the birds ๐Ÿ™„) and it was breakfast time.

these pictures are blurry because it’s impossible to capture them sitting still ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ

The girls are super picky so it’s always a challenge to find a meal they’ll all eat. But I also know if I offer them something 1/3 will refuse, but if I eat something 3/3 will eat it. Mommy had a granola bar and would you have guessed, none of my children wanted their cheesy scrambled eggs but the sure loved mommy’s granola bar. They also got their “kisses” from Daddy and proceeded to start the tornado throughout the house. Gracelyn decided to color, Maisyn decided to take her clothes off and use herself as a canvas for markers and Paityn laid back on the couch watching tv(again, my girl!) I cleaned up the eggs left over from the dogs cleaning the plates and got the girls their highly demanded popsicles. What are in those things that they have taken complete control over my children? I’m not above bribery, or rewarding my children. I looked in to see a naked toddler trying to ride on the back of my Rottweiler puppy who wasnt phased at all with her attempting to turn him into a horse. There was a big puddle of a mystery fluid on the floor(again, potty training is not fun) whether it came from the puppy or naked child I do not know ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ. The crayons were now covering the dining room floor and Gracelyn looked at me as she shrugged and said “I don’t know what happened. I closed my eyes to blink and they exploded everywhere”. Girls got jokes ๐Ÿ˜ I brought in their lunch and made them sit at the table. I returned to the kitchen to get their drinks, came back to find now 2/3 of my children were in their birthday suits and the oldest wasn’t far behind. Do I argue with all three to put clothes on or do I let it go for now? Yeah, I wasn’t up to fight with them today. Gracelyn decided to have a meltdown because Maisyn was sitting in “Gracelyns chair”, she might be tiny but she is mighty with her attitude, sass, temper and strong will. That moment showed clearly she might look just like me but her father is in there somewhere! When she stomped her foot with that scowl look on her face, yep there he is! She didn’t get her way but I sat down eye level to her and made her talk to me. She calmed down quickly and laid on my lap. She finally asked Maisyn to switch her spots and would you know, that’s all it took to get “her” seat? Maisyn didn’t care as long as you don’t take her food away. She wasn’t sitting anyway she was standing up shaking her booty to the cartoons playing music on TV while eating her cheese quesadilla. She’s such a happy turdler. Paityn was laying on the couch eating her quesadilla because she wasn’t ready to deal with people yet. Gracelyn wanted to have waffles with sausages and bacon for dinner. Unfortunately I didn’t have what I needed so I had a minor anxiety attack over knowing I can’t just up and take the girls with me to the store. With the COVID some of our local stores were saying no children allowed and as of Friday the lovely Governor of ours has enforced mandated masks for anyone over 2. If you’ve met my very strong willed children you KNOW masks won’t be happening, so my children are home bound until further notice. So as I thought about it, knowing no one was able to come watch the girls in a last minute ideas, my anxiety kicked in. The independence I was had is gone, the option to go out to the store with my children was not happening. COVID is no joke. With their father deployed, there’s nothing I can do but wait. I posted a status about it and I had so many people reach out to see if they could help. I hadn’t cried today but those comments and messages made me cry all over again. The amount of amazing people around me and my girls is completely amazing. I know my daughters will grow up surrounded by such great people. This world is an evil messed up place, but our community is a great place filled with love and hope. The girls continued to play while I decided to relax and take a bath. A relaxing bath in my household consists of me in a super hot bath with three little girls splashing in the water on me while they beg to get into my water with me. Three minutes into the bath with three naked girls standing next to me, the dogs were outside barking. No one was expected so I towel up and look out the window to see a jeep with someone pinned inside. I had called the dogs off and they came inside. I quickly dressed and the man approached my locked door. I saw his face and instantly recognized him. He was here to do an appraisal on our house. Someone had forgot about it(we all forgot), got all three kids dressed in a flash and the dogs locked up. He finished what he had to do and we made small talk about Nick before he left. The girls decided to watch a movie and I sat on the kitchen counter doing my nails(I tried those Color street stick on nail strips, AMAZING they’re so simple and easy. Glennette Barclay can hook you up!). I felt kind of like I had my life together for a minute right then. My mom came over to watch the girls so I could head to Lowe’s, which turned out to be closed. Ya girl has decided to make herself a dining room table, you did read that right. Me+power tools=911 on stand by but luckily I know a thing or two about 911 ๐Ÿ˜† I jammed out to my own concert in the truck and came home to three little girls with their hair braided, happy as can be to have their Nunna, but ready for bed. The twins went to bed easily tonight, Gracelyn has not. She went to her bed a solid 11 times, I finally said I’m done walking back and forth, she’s currently asleep on the couch. I take pictures of the girls daily, but as you can see it’s a challenge to get one photo in focus let alone all three looking and smiling.

Another day has gone by and tomorrow I return to work. This is when the new “normal” begins. The new routine of things, the adjustments and we will see how smoothly the transition is. We are hanging in there. Nick is doing as well as can be. But for now, another heartbreak for me, that’s right I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy. Thanks Shonda, I needed another cry ๐Ÿ™„

Love,

Candyce ๐Ÿงก

Mom Fail: Turdlers

I see other mothers on social media that look like they have their lives together, I however am not one of those moms. I drink wine in my bathtub after my daugthers go to bed because somedays it’s needed. Most day I don’t get dressed and get myself together because I’m probably not leaving my house, three kids anywhere by myself LOL no thank you, they gang up on me. I don’t have a good skin care routine, often I forget to wash my makeup off so I sleep in it(whoopsie). Somedays I sit on my kitchen counter and eat aerosol whipped cream by the can because well that’s who I am. I wasn’t given a parenting manual when I had Gracelyn and I most certainly wasn’t given a Twin Manual when they came along. I had three daughters in 19 months. I had seen family and friends parent, so I thought I had a good idea what I was doing when I had them, I was wrong. The first week is rough getting adjusted to having a baby. They cry, you cry, they sleep, you spend that time watching them sleep to watch their breathing, and the cycle continues. It’s exhausting and overwhelming. As the days go by you start to get the hang of things. Baby starts sleeping more and you feel confident in your parenting. You know your child/children, you have a good thing going but that confidence doesn’t last long because then they hit that stage we know all too well, the Turdler stage. Also known as the Sasshole stage. That is the ultimate test of your parenting ability, although I’m fearful teenage years with these three might be the icing on the cake but we haven’t got there yet, pray for me.

What is a turdler you might ask? It’s the age range where a baby turns into a toddler, then it decides to act like a turd. In my experience the age range is 2-4 years old, and we are in our prime time for it in my household! Well in my case specifically a turdler is a beautiful blonde girl with big blue eyes, that has the same face I had as a kid, with the same attitude and sass. This specific turdler is hilarious to the point it’s hard to punish because I laugh, she’s clumsy as in trips over air(just like her mommy), she’s sneaky and she’s a sweetheart. When they say the apple doesn’t fall far, they meant the apple doesn’t leave the tree. Take this turdler and times it by three, that is my life. Gracelyn made me a mom, she made me grow up and stop thinking of myself first and put others. She changed me in ways I didn’t know existed, I learned to light sleep to listen to her breathing. She taught me more about life than I had learned in the 23 years of my life. She was the scariest thing I had experience, knowing I would have to take care of her and keep her alive when I barely felt responsible enough to take care of myself. We did it though and we decided to have another baby so Gracelyn had a sibling close in age. The day the Cubs won the World Series(GO CUBS GO), I found out we were expecting again. A month later, we got the shock of a lifetime when we saw it wasn’t one baby but in fact two very healthy babies. Nothing prepares you for learning there are two coming, I was in denial for a while because the thought of having three babies under 2 was overwhelming and I knew judgment from others was coming. We had a rough pregnancy but we delivered our di/di identical twin girls 1 year 7 months and 4 days after Gracelyn was born.

Let’s fast forward a few years and we have hit the mother load of turdler days. They take turns, depending on the moment. Picking a movie or tv show, one will agree and the other two protest, one will be vocal and the other will stomp away and pout. It’s like clockwork. Usually it’s the big sasster(see what I did there) that is vocal. Today this was our debate…

Gracelyn- Mommy nooooo we don't want to watch True! We want Scooby-Doo!                                                                                                                             
Me- Gracelyn, Paityn chose True, we can watch Scooby next.
Gracelyn- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!(arms crossed, grump face) *Maisyn runs to the corner and cries*
Me- Girls, we can watch it next
Gracelyn- Fine mommy be a brat like you are and see if we like you 
Me- You love me cuz I do everything for you
Gracelyn- Then get me Gold Fishes*as she stomps her feet*

I stared at her waiting for manners. Nope, Turdler was in full sasshole mode.

Me- Gracelyn, where's your manners?
Gracelyn- Prolly next to the Gold Fish...
Me- I can't even with you *face palm*
Gracelyn- Then don't even. Gold Fish momma, Gold Fish

And that also my friends is when it sank in that to them, I’m just their snack b***h. I’m their maid, their tv person, I give them the food they want when they want and what do I get in return? Demands. Maybe I’ve just created a monster within my spoiled kids, or maybe I’m just a good mom who provides for my children. It depends on which way you look at it I guess. I get demands but today for instance, I got something I haven’t had in at least a year or maybe even two, I had all three girls sleep and cuddle on me at some point today. I had unlimited kisses from both twins, I had Gracelyn grab my face telling me how I’m the “greatest mommy” because I gave them frozen gogurt. They are the definition of sour patch kids, like is the company hiring? I have three beautiful girls that would be able to do the commercials without having to act. I should also make mention that at one point today Gracelyn told me to “stop being Carole, Candyce.” I turned to her and asked “what did you just say to me” and sure enough my tiny tot looked at me straight in the eyes and repeated “I SAID STOP BEING A CAROLE, CANDYCE.” I had to take a minute to respond to her and she looked at me with her eyebrows raised, hand on her hip, staring at me while shes wearing her blue princess dress and rain boots, waiting as patiently as she could get for me to reply. She was staring directly at me waiting for a reaction, she stood there like she was thinking of her next comeback to me. It clicked in my brain pretty quick that she has been paying attention at night when I had been watching Tiger King. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Tiger King, Carole is hated for multiple reasons, long story short is she’s a bad person(I recommend watching it, it has more curve balls than a baseball game). So my 4 year old used a Tiger King reference calling me a bad person. I couldn’t correct her or punish her for it because I couldn’t stop laughing. MOM FAIL. She caught me off guard so hearing her call me Carol made me laugh so hard I cried. My turdler knew then that she had me hook, lined and sinker. She was going to get her way. No one gave me the heads up that this is one of the hard parts of parenting a turdler. If you laugh, they will continue to do it and it’s ridiculously hard to stop laughing when your child does/says something they aren’t supposed to. Does it make me a bad mom to laugh at it? Probably, do I regret it? Not at all. It gave us a moment for both of us to laugh and she realized she made me happy, she was proud of herself so she ran up to me and hugged me.

Another mom fail I have, I cuss. Whoops. It’s been a work in progress to get better at not cussing but it’s easier said than done. I’ve improved a lot but there are also a lot of other adults around that have potty mouths. Kids are smart and pick up on things easily. It’s not cute when a child cusses in my opinion, but sometimes when your child says something and it catches you off guard it’s kinda funny. I have two different times Gracelyn has said bad words, I had to keep it together to make her realize you can’t do that. It’s frowned upon. Like I said, I’m not one of those moms who have the perfect life. The twins have yet to cuss thankfully, they feed off each other so if they did it would be impossible to get them to stop. They are the reason I have worked hard to improve my choice of vocabulary. I’ve never been a mom that said my kids won’t have this or eat that, because let’s face it, it’s nearly impossible to keep them 100% healthy. Kids are picky, currently my girls are living off mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, Gracelyn with ranch and the twins with ketchup, pickles and olives. If I can get them to eat woohoo! Sometimes it’s a serious struggle to get your children to eat food, the whole “they’ll eat when they’re hungry”, those people should come hangout with my kiddos especially once they hit the hangry stage. My girls are huge milk fans though so they do have that going for us I guess. Picking and choosing your battles are a serious thing around here. You don’t want to wear pants? Okay, but don’t take your undies off and pee on my floor, deal?(we are potty training twins, it’d be amazing to have that Mommy Manual right now) You want your mac n cheese with ketchup on the purple plate with the blue fork? Done, as long as you eat it all. I’ve also learned that when I make plates of food, they won’t want what’s on their plates but they will love what’s on mine even if it’s the same food. So I make two plates for me, the dummy plate and my food I might get to eat. There’s so much to keep these turdlers happy, but we are achieving it.

It’s amazing to see their personalities come out and who they are becoming. I’m happy to see how driven they are, kind of concerned the drive is going to keep me in the principals office. Strong personalities create strong women, that’s what I’m thinking though. Judge me if you want but being a good mom Trump’s being a “perfect” mom. They know I’m a mess most days but that’s how they love me. They need a happy mom, that’s what I’ll give them. A happy home, a safe home, a comfortable home where they will always know they are loved. Each day is chaos, it’s a mess, but I am blessed to have three of the greatest turdlers. Mommy is the best title I’ve held.

Love,

Candyce